Let us by pass the awkwardness of apologizing and stating why it has been such a long time since my last update, (If anyone actually even cares, I feel like there is no real audience-no offense, 8 blog follwers.) and just jump right to the conclusion that I am lazy and not apologetic towards my laziness. Nor do I plan on it changing said laziness anytime soon or count on having these posts having any sort of clear update. (I have literally no idea how to explain what I mean by "clear update". You know, like the exact day or time to expect a new post. For example, like every other Tuesday or the third Thursday of every month, or when the moon is in the house of Zen, or whatever. Yeah, do not count on that ever happening. I can not make such promises.)
Anyways, I shall just dive right into my rant. Usually, now is the time on how I would sarcastically make a comment on how you all are probably thinking "Oh, Cara. Ranting again? How shocking." but I am absolutely positive that it has gotten to the point where I do not even need to sarcastically point it out, it is now expected. And if some of you don't expect it, this is me saying expect this blog to be endless rant. Seriously.
Rant numero uno. Have you ever felt uncomprehensively sad for almost virtually no reason? That is exactly the mood in which I have been in for the past week and it is less than desirable. (Obviously. Who wants to feel this way?) Sure, there are particular componets to my life that can justifiably cause a bit of sadness, yes. For me to be in a slightly unhappy mood because of some of the circumstances, is not crazy of me. Or even unacceptable, I feel. However, that amount of sadness consuming my mood is inappropriate. Even considering the circumstances, which actually aren't even that sad or horrible of circumstances. Based on all of the situations, I should have just been sad for a couple of shakes and gotten over it as I listened to a couple of sad songs and ate half a package of Oreos. But alas, here I am listening to Sonic Youth (Which listening to makes me feel slightly creeped out, by the way.) and sitting in a pool of my own self pity, writing a rant about it for the interwebs to see, as if I am searching for some sort of sympathetic worry or sweet nothing from a person that I hardly know. (Just to clarify, that is not my goal here.) I sit here and think, it is not the circumstances of life that are making me so incredibly sad right now. It is myself making me so sad. And discovering this truth, makes me even more sad. I hate this feeling and wish I could say that I was unfamiliar with it. But every couple of months, I wake up and BAM!-this feeling of self hatred and complete inconfidence overcomes my soul and for the next couple days I want nothing to do with me. On top of all of this, I feel that this is something I can discuss with no one. But then I think, "Of course there is someone to discuss this with, Cara. There are plenty of someones to discuss it with." And it is completely true, of course there is many someones to discuss this feeling with. The problem is finding a someone who will truly listen and understand. There is also the issue of actually not wanting to discuss such things with anyone-especially, someone.
Rant of the second variety. (Ignore how that sentence makes no sense. YOLO.) Of all the places I do not enjoy going to during the months of the harsh and unpleasant Utah winter, Lava Hot Springs makes the top 3. (Also, yes I am aware that Lava Hot Springs is actually in Idaho so Utah Winter has nothing to do with anything.) Why do I not enjoy winter trips to Lava Hot Springs, you ask? Excellent question. Why? Here is why:
1) The place-although, admittly fun to camp out during the summertime months- is completely unkept and dirty. I am a person that enjoys being in a somewhat clean and sanitary enviroment. (Side Note: if I am in a place of the Foriegn country variety, this rule of sanitaion does change. Cause you know, culture and stuff.)
2) There is almost nothing to do. Except for sit in the hot springs, which I do not find much or any enjoyment in, because of this it results in one thing and one thing only SO MUCH BOREDOM.
3) I once had a vivid dream that I was gruesomely murdered in Lava Hot Springs, which is not the town's fault but is one of the factors to my disliking towards it.
4) Being there sometimes makes me feel like I am in a very demented horror film. It is both a weird and almost undesirable sensation. This feeling is also nondescript. I cannot describe it.
That's really all the reasons. But is that not enough? Also, why do I bring this up? Because I have the absolute forced pleasure of traveling to this place for a weekend that could be considered my own personal Hell. Here is the real kicker, though. Despite it being the weekend, and despite me being of the teenage personage, I have the privelage to wake up at the crack of dawn just so my family and I can arrive at my least favorite place as early as possible. YAY! (So much yay.) I could not possibly be more enthusiastic about this. I am literally beyond thrilled. I haven't made a list of however many odd things I would rather do tomorrow. But if I were to compose a list of things I would rather do than go to Lava Hot Springs, it would probably look something like this:
1) Sleep.
2) Fold socks. (Even if it had to be for the whole entire day.)
3) Alphabatize family's movie collection.
4) Laundry.
5) Clean all the things.
6) Homework.
7) Brush up on my knowledge of Algerbra.
8) Watch documenteries on the Cold War.
9) View many Nicolas Cage movies. #Shudder
10) Hang out with the bane to my existence.
11) Confront all the people I have some issues with right now.
12) Compose a set for stand up comedy.
13) Watch a pile of folded laundry intently.
14) Teach myself about cars.
15) Almost literally, anything else.
But seriously, I am so freakin' pumped about this gosh dang Lava Hot Springs excursion. Yay!
Rant 3. Speaking of Lava, that reminds me of a type of person I dislike. And I do not even know how to label these sorts other than saying that they are arrogant a-holes who either don't know how to listen or choose not to listen, but other way the don't pay attention to what you say and then wave their unknowledgable comment in your face, leaving you in a disgruntled bubble/feeling of "the hell?" Which overall, it just flat out irritating. Recently, two days ago, in fact, I had the pleasure of coming across a person of this variety. (Side Note: I was already previously acquinted with this person, I attend schoool with them and we have too many classes together, unfortunately.) We were discussing what our weekend plans were and this person had told me of their unbelievably ridiculous and awesome (also, completely false/made up) plans they had made. I then spoke of how I had the forced pleasure of going to Lava Hot Springs and mentioned my level of entusiasim towards the excursion. They then showed a contribed concern and asked why I am so resentful towards Lava. I then shared the reasoning behind why I did not like Lava- which is a justifiable list, okay?- and they then got very offended. Why did they take offense? Because their aunt and uncle lived there at one point in time for a very short period, of course. And they found the town to be quite quaint. Therefore, I must not have these feelings towards the town or else I am being disrespectful to their aunt and uncle that I have never met before in my life. Is there any logic behind this? No. No there is no logic behind this. All that that was, was an overopioninated person speaking out of their butt and it irritates me.
That is all for now. Au Revior.
-Cara
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